1. It's really much longer than a 2ww. Once you get +HPT ...then you wait for the beta....then you wait for the 2nd beta....then it's the wait for the ultrasound....then it's the wait for the end of the 1st trimester...then you wait for your ultrasound at 20 wks to make sure there's no birth defects....it's the never ending forever wait. I know some of my patients worry the whole pregnancy, but do they really worry as much as any of us would? As much as someone that's dealt with failure after failure? I'm happy that things look good for me with my sister so far...but so scared and anxious for the future. I wish I could just feel the happy. My husband won't even give in to the happy because he doesn't want to "jinx it."
2. My hospital plays a lullaby as patients are transferred from labor and delivery to their postpartum room. It plays all day long. Yesterday, I heard it play and someone say, "Ohhh, that means a baby was just born...awww...so cute!" With sunshine and rainbows flying out of their butt. I don't know why this irritated me, but it did.
3. I hate my uterus. Why is it abnormal? What did I ever do to it? And why can't someone fix it? I love my sister and love that she's doing this for me. I don't know what I'd do without her and this chance she's given us. But I still feel a bit mad at my dumb uterus.
On a good note, there is a hallway in the hospital on the way to one of my offices where they change up the photo/picture displays from time to time (local artists, whatever) and I swear the past year at least this has been the Hallway of Torture. Black & white photos of people and their babies and kids. Well, THEY FINALLY TOOK IT DOWN! Woo hoo!
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bb, I don't know how you (or any other OB/GYNs dealing with IF/IVF) do it. My own OB/GYN went through 6 cycles of IVF to get her one and only child.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't they just shoot confetti out their butts and call it "babydust" to go along with that lullaby, huh? Geez!
Yay for the baby-free hospital hallway, it's about freakin' time! ARGH.
bbchi--I completely agree with #1. I could have written that myself. I'm not sure that "normal" pregnant women have ALL of the fears and anxieties that we have. I can't imagine they would. After so much dissapointment, it's hard to change your perspective. This is going to be a long, long road. One day at a time is hard, but it seems like the only way to approach this!
ReplyDelete#1 is sooo not fair. I even feel guilty whining about it, when there are women(like you) who have fought longer and harder than i can imagine. And I think its logical for you to be pissed at your uterus. I am still pissed at my body that I cant be normal and get pregnant on my own...its not fair that ivf is even in my vocabulary. But it did get me pregnant. Im sure there is grief in having to have surrogate in your vocabulary. We are appreciative in the advances and technologies that get us where we're going, but sometimes the ride just bums us out!
ReplyDelete#2-To bad you couldn't replace that music with a CD of our own. We could name it DAMN THE FERTILEs!!! The intro could be a ninja march "No more fertiles, NO NO NO, No more fertiles, they have to GO babies babies blah blah blah lets damn them fertiles rah rah rah!!
ReplyDeleteLove to see their faces when that music starts to play lol