Response to Jes and KB

Wow Jes & KB - Deep thoughts for a Friday! But thank you so much for sharing. It helps so much sometimes to hear people are going through the exact same thought process you are so you know that just maybe you aren't absolutely insane.

Jes, what you went through is so unbelievable - I can imagine making the decision of what to do next is difficult. You have got to be scared as hell. But while you may not have tubes, you still have eggs. There are a gazillion success stories about people getting pg with IVF in similar situations.

KB - I was unhappily single at 35 and had my FSH tested. It was fine so I thought phew, I don't have to try doing this on my own just yet. But knew I wanted to be a mommy. Met DH at 38, married at 40 and here we are almost a year later and I feel time slipping away. I get where you are coming from. But compared to me - you are a spring chicken! :) I got six years on ya sistah sledge!

I have a blocked tube, an old body, I'm obese by my RE's standards, 1 failed IVF, and 1 miscarriage after a "miraculous" natural pregnancy last month. I had waited an extra month to start up IVF again trying in vain to lose the fat that my doctor says could affect my success go about 45lbs to lose). But instead, I put everything I could find in my mouth and drank like a fish over New Years - and bam - pregnant. I was so wanting to go to my RE's office and be like "in your face MoFo - who says the fat, 41 year-0ld lush can't get pg!!" But it ended quickly and there was not that opportunity. I'm sure he is thinking that my lifestyle caused the m/c. IF he ever says that to me, I will go postal with PMS on him.

You would think though that a baby would be the ultimate motivator to lose weight - just goes to show how little control I have over my food issues. Now we have to wait two more months for the shitty drugs they had me take to destroy the cells to get out of my body before we can try again. I am anxious to start again and hope that we don't have any more setbacks.

I think about my status of not being a parent all the time. I hate that I'm at that age where people assume since I am married I must have kids. When they ask and I say no, they give you that shocked - REALLY? response. Sometimes I want to launch into what I have gone through thus far to remedy that, but haven't yet. We have a couple different groups of friends - one is the childless group. We have tended to do a lot with that group lately. Sometimes I feel like we should hang out with the haves and not the havenots so that maybe their parentness will rub off on me somehow. I actually had someone tell me at a party that I should go to baby showers and hang out with pregnant people so their pheramones (sp?) would improve my fertility. Are you fucking kidding me? BTW, I love that we can swear on this site. :)

Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to vent. I know so many of you have gone through way more than me. But no matter what you have been through, you find a way to get through it. As far as when is it over? I liked your line KB about being broke and broken - s0 many amazing women go further than they thought they would because they are stronger than they ever knew they were. I guess you don't know until you get there. I have insurance to cover 2 more IVF's. After that, we'll have to decide if we are going to buy DE's or go for adoption. Or rob a bank. :)

I hope all you ladies have a wonderful weekend and regardless of whether your DH or Sig other or whatever treats you nice on V-day, treat yourselves nice and do something just for you. You deserve it. :)

Rie