I need to buy some cheap preg tests... I remember one of you had mentioned a site to order online (on FT forum)... and they were as good as First Response, etc ..... any pointers ??
At the store I get 2 tests for abt 20$ ... it really adds up, the way I use them !
Saturday, February 20, 2010
BFH...Big F-ing Heart Beat! :)
Today was a good day. We got to see and hear the baby's heart beat! at 7w2d, the heart rate was 154. According to RE, everything looks right on track. Thank God!
It's official, I'm in love!
I'm trying to take some of my own advice and enjoy this day before my neurosis and anxity set back in.
It's official, I'm in love!
I'm trying to take some of my own advice and enjoy this day before my neurosis and anxity set back in.
I confess:
My DH just said to me...bad news comes in 3's right?
1.) DH's dad is widowed and couldn't afford his townhome anymore. So we finally got an offer on it w/a date to close at the end of November. We moved him into an apartment. The damn thing still hasn't closed. The buyer's mortgage guy is a buffoon. Finally we got them to try a different person for the mortgage. Last night, got news that he can't get the buyer her loan because her co-signer (while she makes enough $$) basically has no credit history. Not a bad one, just none. So now he's in an apartment and the deal to buy his place may be in the shitter. Well, you say, just let the mortgage go into forclosure. Oh, that would be easy if DH hadn't cosigned a loan for his parents when they needed to refi their mortgage to get money out to pay for bills. So there goes our credit score. Total cluster fuck. I actually hate the phrase "cluster fuck" but can't think of anything better to use.
2.) We were going to get a rate change on our mortgage which would have dropped our interest rate 2%. Just talked to the bank this a.m. and they are renigging on their offer. Bad market, they say. No shit.
3.) What will the 3rd bad news be? Freaking out. About Wednesday. What if there's nothing alive in there? What if it's 3 in there? Why didn't we just put back 2 embryos? Are we greedy? When I have bad thoughts about all of this is that putting the bad thoughts out in the "universe" thus making them likely to come true? (anyone read "The Secret"?) With my past failures, am having a hard time just sticking to good positive thoughts. But maybe the 3rd bad news was just my husband getting stuck at work last night till 1030pm. Seemed bad at the time. DH also freaking out though. He actually told me to sneak my sister into the office and scan her tomorrow. But then my stomach started doing flip flops thinking about it. I don't think I can do it.
I was doing so great yesterday afternoon. It was 45 degrees and sunny and I had my window open driving home from work. Figured the weekend always goes by quick and then Wednesday would be here before you know it.
Now everything seems gloomy and doomy. Maybe I should just start hitting the bottle now. That always helps right?
I know I should be happy and grateful to be in a possible BFP position and for my awesome sister but I'm having a hard time right now.
1.) DH's dad is widowed and couldn't afford his townhome anymore. So we finally got an offer on it w/a date to close at the end of November. We moved him into an apartment. The damn thing still hasn't closed. The buyer's mortgage guy is a buffoon. Finally we got them to try a different person for the mortgage. Last night, got news that he can't get the buyer her loan because her co-signer (while she makes enough $$) basically has no credit history. Not a bad one, just none. So now he's in an apartment and the deal to buy his place may be in the shitter. Well, you say, just let the mortgage go into forclosure. Oh, that would be easy if DH hadn't cosigned a loan for his parents when they needed to refi their mortgage to get money out to pay for bills. So there goes our credit score. Total cluster fuck. I actually hate the phrase "cluster fuck" but can't think of anything better to use.
2.) We were going to get a rate change on our mortgage which would have dropped our interest rate 2%. Just talked to the bank this a.m. and they are renigging on their offer. Bad market, they say. No shit.
3.) What will the 3rd bad news be? Freaking out. About Wednesday. What if there's nothing alive in there? What if it's 3 in there? Why didn't we just put back 2 embryos? Are we greedy? When I have bad thoughts about all of this is that putting the bad thoughts out in the "universe" thus making them likely to come true? (anyone read "The Secret"?) With my past failures, am having a hard time just sticking to good positive thoughts. But maybe the 3rd bad news was just my husband getting stuck at work last night till 1030pm. Seemed bad at the time. DH also freaking out though. He actually told me to sneak my sister into the office and scan her tomorrow. But then my stomach started doing flip flops thinking about it. I don't think I can do it.
I was doing so great yesterday afternoon. It was 45 degrees and sunny and I had my window open driving home from work. Figured the weekend always goes by quick and then Wednesday would be here before you know it.
Now everything seems gloomy and doomy. Maybe I should just start hitting the bottle now. That always helps right?
I know I should be happy and grateful to be in a possible BFP position and for my awesome sister but I'm having a hard time right now.
Friday, February 19, 2010
And the verdict is....
...I'm pregnant!!! So this is what it feels like? Actually, it doesn't feel like anything right now. I'm even finding it hard to believe because I don't "feel" pregnant. But obviously it's also still very early and there are still lots of hurdles to jump. My beta was 104, estrogen 177, and progesterone 21. I really know nothing about what the estrogen and progesterone levels should be. Anyone know anything about those two? My RE actually told me that my estrogen is a little lower than what they would like (he told me the number they want it to be but I don't remember what it was) so he's having me up my Estrace dose. Other than that he says things look good.
I go in for a 2nd beta on Monday 02/22 and then I'll have a 3rd beta the following week and then finally the 1st u/s the week after that.
I'm very excited but still cautious. DH and I have decided not to tell anyone until Easter weekend which will put me at 10 weeks. We just feel like we'll be able to breathe easier then and feel more at ease in knowing things will work out. Right now the only two people who even know about our IVF adventuers is my sister and boss. I'll tell both of them the good news because they've been there for me through everything and because they know how to keep their mouths shut when it comes to other people's business. :o)
I go in for a 2nd beta on Monday 02/22 and then I'll have a 3rd beta the following week and then finally the 1st u/s the week after that.
I'm very excited but still cautious. DH and I have decided not to tell anyone until Easter weekend which will put me at 10 weeks. We just feel like we'll be able to breathe easier then and feel more at ease in knowing things will work out. Right now the only two people who even know about our IVF adventuers is my sister and boss. I'll tell both of them the good news because they've been there for me through everything and because they know how to keep their mouths shut when it comes to other people's business. :o)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Real Simple Advice
I recently read this in Real Simple in the "Modern Manners/Life Lessons" Q&A section.
"What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility know that you are pregnant?" asked Hannah Murray in Portland OR
Julie (who used to be a writer/producer for Sex and the City and has one daughter) says: "Having been on both sides of this situation, I can say it's one of the hardest, for everyone involved. On the one hand, when you're struggling to get pregnant, the last thing you need is to be reminded how damned easy it is (or at least it seems) for other people to get pregnant. On the other hand, infertility can be isolating, and the feeling that friends might be withholding information in an effort to protect you can make that sense of loneliness even worse. So don't hide your news from her, but preface it by saying, "I've been struggling with how to tell you this, because I know what you've been going though...." Then cut to the chase. After you've shared your news, it's hard to say how your friend will react. She might be fine with it or have lots of questions for you, or she might suddenly have to take another call. Remember-however she reacts, you didn't do anything wrong. Hopefully, in time, she'll be able to join you in your happiness whether or not she has a baby of her own."
I wasn't sure how I felt after I read it. What do you guys think of that?
"What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility know that you are pregnant?" asked Hannah Murray in Portland OR
Julie (who used to be a writer/producer for Sex and the City and has one daughter) says: "Having been on both sides of this situation, I can say it's one of the hardest, for everyone involved. On the one hand, when you're struggling to get pregnant, the last thing you need is to be reminded how damned easy it is (or at least it seems) for other people to get pregnant. On the other hand, infertility can be isolating, and the feeling that friends might be withholding information in an effort to protect you can make that sense of loneliness even worse. So don't hide your news from her, but preface it by saying, "I've been struggling with how to tell you this, because I know what you've been going though...." Then cut to the chase. After you've shared your news, it's hard to say how your friend will react. She might be fine with it or have lots of questions for you, or she might suddenly have to take another call. Remember-however she reacts, you didn't do anything wrong. Hopefully, in time, she'll be able to join you in your happiness whether or not she has a baby of her own."
I wasn't sure how I felt after I read it. What do you guys think of that?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
KB Newsflash: First Ultrasound
Ok guys, after two weeks of waiting and worrying since my first and only beta...it's U/S day!
There are two sacs, each with one little dude in there, both with heartbeats. At first, the doctor said that #2's HB was kind of slow, but then looked at it again and said, "actually, it's not as slow as I thought it was." (I couldn't see the HBs at all. I forgot to ask my husband if he could, since he's a Radiology resident and had a better angle on the screen.)
But, I have something new to worry about (of course I do!) One is measuring at 6wks4days and the other at 5wks5days. I'm not worrying about losing #2 in the next couple of weeks, but if #2 makes it to, let's say 10 weeks...and then dies, it's more likely to interfere with #1 and we could lose them both. UGH! I just wanted to go in there and have a "normal" ultrasound.
Anyway, the doctor said we could come in for another U/S next week or just wait the 4 weeks until the 10wk U/S. My husband said, without hesitation, "one week." LOL...I guess the waiting has been getting to him more than he let on.
If #2 grows at a normal rate, even if it's still smaller than #1, then we should be able to breathe a little easier. If it continues to grow slowly (or not at all), we're probably looking at having just one that's viable. One is great of course, I just don't want to lose both.
My next U/S is next Tuesday, the 23rd...only 6 days, woo! (My DR was out on Wed.)
There are two sacs, each with one little dude in there, both with heartbeats. At first, the doctor said that #2's HB was kind of slow, but then looked at it again and said, "actually, it's not as slow as I thought it was." (I couldn't see the HBs at all. I forgot to ask my husband if he could, since he's a Radiology resident and had a better angle on the screen.)
But, I have something new to worry about (of course I do!) One is measuring at 6wks4days and the other at 5wks5days. I'm not worrying about losing #2 in the next couple of weeks, but if #2 makes it to, let's say 10 weeks...and then dies, it's more likely to interfere with #1 and we could lose them both. UGH! I just wanted to go in there and have a "normal" ultrasound.
Anyway, the doctor said we could come in for another U/S next week or just wait the 4 weeks until the 10wk U/S. My husband said, without hesitation, "one week." LOL...I guess the waiting has been getting to him more than he let on.
If #2 grows at a normal rate, even if it's still smaller than #1, then we should be able to breathe a little easier. If it continues to grow slowly (or not at all), we're probably looking at having just one that's viable. One is great of course, I just don't want to lose both.
My next U/S is next Tuesday, the 23rd...only 6 days, woo! (My DR was out on Wed.)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I Am Such a Dingledoo
So am feeling better today. D&C was yesterday. Slept most of the day and went to bed early. We'll know the results of the lab work in a month, but in the meantime I have to go in every week to make sure my HCG number is going down to negative. Hopefully, it's fast.
Decided to do laundry and get caught up on things today. Gotta get back to life, right? Well while in the laundry room I came across a womans scarf that was totally not mine. Because I am not thinking rationally I stormed into the office and asked DH what the hell it was. Of course, he was furious that I would even ask him that. He reminded me, angrily, that his mom was here last night and it was probably hers. I went back into the laundry room and there were the towels from her bathroom - in the same spot as the scarf. Ugh - I am such an ASS. I am clearly not thinking straight. I have realized that I am completely insecure thanks to this infertility shit. Not only am I fat from treatment, but who wants to be with someone that is infertile? Right? Clearly I have issues. A rational person would have known it was the MIL's scarf. Now I am in the doghouse. DH is really hurt. I am a dingledoo who cannot apologize enough.
Decided to do laundry and get caught up on things today. Gotta get back to life, right? Well while in the laundry room I came across a womans scarf that was totally not mine. Because I am not thinking rationally I stormed into the office and asked DH what the hell it was. Of course, he was furious that I would even ask him that. He reminded me, angrily, that his mom was here last night and it was probably hers. I went back into the laundry room and there were the towels from her bathroom - in the same spot as the scarf. Ugh - I am such an ASS. I am clearly not thinking straight. I have realized that I am completely insecure thanks to this infertility shit. Not only am I fat from treatment, but who wants to be with someone that is infertile? Right? Clearly I have issues. A rational person would have known it was the MIL's scarf. Now I am in the doghouse. DH is really hurt. I am a dingledoo who cannot apologize enough.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Natural Selection
Does anyone ever have the thought that we're fighting the natural selection process? I worry that there's some reason I haven't been able to have a baby. That maybe I shouldn't keep pushing it. Some horrible gene I may pass on that's supposed to die out.
Then I worry that if I do manage to have a live birth that my poor child will have the same problems I have had. That I will freak out if they're not married by the time they're 25. I can only hope they get my husband's reproductive genes as he does not seem to be reproductively challenged like I am.
So uplifting, huh?
Then I worry that if I do manage to have a live birth that my poor child will have the same problems I have had. That I will freak out if they're not married by the time they're 25. I can only hope they get my husband's reproductive genes as he does not seem to be reproductively challenged like I am.
So uplifting, huh?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
