ShawLove's post inspired some new thoughts. It really sucks that not only do we have to deal with the emotional sandbags of infertility every day but we also find extreme comfort in a few adult beverages after experiencing said sandbags!
So this got me thinking. When I was in my 20's and not a care in the world I went out on the weekends and would have adult beverages with my friends. Only the weekends. In my low 30's after having met DH, I drank on the weekends with dinner or at an occasional happy hour. But, nothing dramatic. In my low 30's I was also in to marathon running and completed three successfully along with a handful of half-marathons. Now in my late 30's, infertile and post miscarriage I find myself wanting a drink EVERY night. This cannot be good for you. I tell myself it's part of my grieving process. But, is it really healthy to be drinking every night. NO! So how do you get past this hurdle? This has never been an issue for me.
So, this last week I joined a gym in hopes the exercise and weight loss will increase endorphins and help divert my desire for the drinky drink. I also went to the dentist this week and got some whitening trays that I will start tonight. One cannot drink red wine and have white teeth, right? And for fun I got my hair highlighted and cut by this amazing stylist in midtown. What else can one do?
I assure you I will have a drink or two tonight. I am going to a Tastefully Simple party. Gotta be social, right? My goal this next week is no more than 5 drinks (RE says that's her max number). Then maybe it will naturally decrease from there. It's also another week gone by, helping to separate me from the MC date. :-)
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i was drinking A LOT after my IVF#1 BFN and after FET#1 BFN. i would have a glass or 2 every weeknight and then 3-4 glasses on weekend nights. but then as i was stimming for IVF#2, i kept reading all these articles about alcohol and IVF and how it can negatively impact the outcome (increased miscarriage/lower live birthrate), especially if you drink in the 3 months prior to an IVF cycle (apparently, the eggs develop 3 months ahead of time). i had never drank during stims, but i always drank in excess between cycles, so after that next fresh cycle was a BFN, i decided to seriously cut down on alcohol for my future cycles. i have no idea if it will work, but it was the motivation i used to stop drinking as much. i figure, wine will always be around, by my fertility will not, and no glass of wine will taste as good as the feeling of having a baby. mind you, i haven't quit all together, i will have a glass or 2 for special occasions or social events - or if i've had a horrific week, but it's a ton less than i had before and my RE is vehement that that amount is no problem.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. it's hard to abstain when you're not happy - and it's hard to be happy when you're dealing with all this.
JPS- I'm with you, started drinking like a fish since BFNothing.
ReplyDeleteHave been through tougher stuff than the BFN, but for some reason it eats at me more than anything ever has.
I'm proud to say that I haven't drank in 2 nights b/c DH thinks it's making the depression worse. He is right. I've been pigging out on girl scout cookies & cheesecake instead of cabernet. I can feel my thighs expanding.
I think this no alcohol advice is some kind of fertile people plan to bring the infertiles down. It's ridiculous. What else are we supposed to do with no kids?
ReplyDeletelol - that's probably true. although at this point, i'm willing to believe anything.
ReplyDeleteEverything in moderation. I've not been told by any doctor that a couple of drinks a week will effect egg quality. However, a couple of bottles a night will effect lots of things. I stopped drinking during stims, but I think it's ok to drink a little between cycles. If you're truly drinking to dull the pain or because you are depressed, consider talking to someone about it. All of this is rough and shitty. If I end up with another miscarriage, you can bet I'll hit the bottle too.
ReplyDeleteI spoke with some friends last night about this post and some of your responses. Everyone agrees that it's part of the process. All of the women I spoke to had miscarried at some point. One of the woman had miscarried 3 times before she had her miracle baby! But anyway, I digress....they all agree that a bottle a night is excessive (;-D) but all admitted to having a bottle stashed that their DH's weren't allowed to touch so they could have a glass here and there. Eventually, everyone agreed that drinking copious amounts after a BFN or MC was common (even encouraged) and that it does even out after a week or two and you become normal again. DH, who hates it when I drink, even said it's normal. Now that's saying something!
ReplyDeleteIf you drink enough Monday, then you'll be too hungover to drink Tuesday, but then ready again by Wednesday....see, if you follow my plan, you will only drink every other day!
ReplyDeletejes