I work in retail - a high-end fitness apparel store. I live and work in an area of NYC that is FULLLLL of babies, nannies, Bugaboos and baby bumps (yeah for me). These lovely pregnant women and mothers of infants, as well as Dominican nannies, frequent my store on a daily basis and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized that I am purposefully acting disinterested in their JOY.
I know these pregnant women want me to congratulate them on their baby bumps and comment on how well the groove pants still make them look slender even with their 5 1/2 month teeny tiny bulge. I hear them, while in the fitting rooms, talking about how big their boobs have gotten and how they are so upset that they can't spin 4 times a week anymore. They sport their baby bumps, their 7 carat diamond rings and their perfectly coiffed, side-swept bangs and I can't get them out of my store fast enough.
Then I have to contend with the Stroller-Moms, who have JUST given birth, talk not only about their lactating HUGE boobs, but how they use to be a 2 and now they are a 6 and they so can't wait to loose the baby weight. Their babies are cute, small and foreign to me. The come in sporting the Baby Bjorn, the Camelean Bugaboo, equiped with a Gucci diaper bag and of course beaming from their accomplishment.
I hear these ladies talk about how it's their 2nd or 3rd baby and it was so easy to get pregnant and deliver - one women who just had her third talked about how she has twins that are less than 2 at home and she works full-time. It's a safe assumption that working moms in NYC with 3 babies under 2yo have 1-2 nannies helping them attain their greatness in society - oh, poor them. It's another safe assumption that a women looking like she is in her late 30s/early 40s with 3 babies under 2 did have IVF... but I don't dare make that assumption out loud.
I just blankly stare at them and sometimes I am able to squeeze out a strained smile, but mostly, I find myself wishing that I could do a disappearing act and wake up on a sandy beach with a pina colada in my hand.
What the hell can I say to these women? I don't feel guilty for not joining in the female circle-jerk that occurs in my store, but I feel awkward.... I feel out of place and odd.
Just needed to vent a little because obviously none of these women in my store could stomach my story of my missing baby bump.
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Ouch. Being faced with that parade on a day-in day-out basis... whew. I understand feeling out of place and odd. You should see my neighborhood! Sometimes I wish we had our own island for infertiles to escape to for a little while so we could pretend we are normal. It's hard being in pain and having to act like everything is fine, like we are unaffected by what we see and hear... that's why we have this blog. This is our island.
ReplyDeletetotally know how you feel. we live in a neighborhood of "young families" as we thought we'd fit right in eventually. anyway, it sucks seeing all the cute, young mom's hanging out on the street, in the park next to my house, in the coffee shop. i have a hard time being friendly and i feel like i don't fit in with them at all. i'm sorry you have to work and see women like that all day - it would drive me insane.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. My version of this hell is the aforementioned "Teen Mom Stroller Parade" in my neighborhood. The hospital where my husband works is affiliated with a med school and there's a dental school as well...so all his colleagues and nearly all our peers are knocked up or have already finished making babies. And the ones who who know what we're going through, have all but stopped inviting us to do stuff with them. (Maybe that's a good thing.) Even my little brother's classmates have babies. I feel like a total outsider. I can't remember the last time I looked at a pg woman/girl or her baby/child and didn't feel resentment. This IF stuff...I hate how angry it's made me.
ReplyDeleteBBB- So sorry you have to feel like this. I feel similarly b/c I work with a young staff, so someone's always pregnant. And they love to sit around and talk about how fertile they are. "I won't let my husband touch me anymore, hehehe..." Bitches.
ReplyDeleteKB- "I hate how angry it's made me." Me, too. I never used to be such a cynical, surly person. Part of it is the hormones, but most of it is the worst jealousy I have EVER felt in my life.
I couldn't stop agreeing to what BB said and everyone of your replies.. I was nodding at everything!
ReplyDeleteI used to work in IT (quit due to IF)... there was a friend who was pregnant, and I was too, thought of telling her after some time & damn, I had ectopic... never told her. There she was talking abt her stuff, while I was hoping betas come down. She had less doctor's visits in her entire preg, than I had just to get preg first time!
how can something that appears so simple... be so f***ing difficult
I'm so happy I usually work with men, and don't have to deal with giggly, idiot women. DH, on the other hand, is in C-sections all the time, and has gotten to the point that he doesn't even congratulate the women, or take pictures, or anything. He just does his job, no more, no less. They must think he's such a dick.
ReplyDeleteI've said it before, I'll say it again...I don't know how IF ppl, men or women, deal with jobs that put them face to face with pg ppl and their spawn on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. They are some strong, amazing people.
ReplyDeleteI agree. IF makes us bitter, unhappy, jealous, resentful women and I LOVE IT!!! Gives me a reason to HATE everyone lol
ReplyDelete