Finally some good news... no not THAT kind of good news

Needless to say, after several failed IVF attempts not even close to being covered by insurance, we're in a pretty dismal financial hole. So, after looking for a job for quite a while, it looks like I've finally scored a pretty cool one! Yay! I'm going to be delivering pharmacy supplies to nursing homes. Looks like the pay is pretty good. It's mostly late evening/early night hours, but most nights I should be home by 1am. No biggie for me since that's when I'm up to lately anyways. And when I do my next cycle, it's very flexible as far as days off & me needing to be here in the mornings for doctor appointments. I did my first ride-along for training tonight & I think I'm going to like it. Yay! Seems like finally something is going right for me! Anyways, just thought I'd share.

Other than jobs, has anyone else come up with creative cash earning ideas? Just wondering how everyone else is managing to cope with the HUGE bills...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How many of our girls will now come out of anesthesia after ER talking about

Joan and/or unicorns?  Wish I could be there to see the doctor's/nurse's

reactions!

I'm no Angel... I'm not even a Superwoman... but I'm learning to set some Priorities and some Boundaries!

In the week before Easter, I was presented with a bit of a dilemma. No less than three family members each approached me about helping out my sister who just had a baby a few weeks ago. My mother has been helping her for weeks... going over daily to assist her with her toddler and infant as well as helping out around the house. The day before Easter my mother needed to prepare for the holiday feast, so SOMEBODY needed to help my sister. Seemed a lot of people thought that somebody might be me. I didn't really expect them to think about how being around a newborn (or even a toddler) might be difficult for me while I am grieving the lack of my own children. I wasn't really interested in trying to fill them in on the emotional toll infertility has taken in my life. Previously with my family, I had put up a brave front. I told my sister during her pregnancy that I was jealous of OTHER women, but not her... that she was different because she is my sister. At Christmas, I offered her a seat when all the comfortable seats in the room were taken.

This holiday, I felt a bit more selfish. I said I couldn't help my sister take care of her children. That's right.... I actually said "NO!" Those two letters that are soooo hard to get out. The forbidden word that means forbidden. For me, it was a very big deal and it felt like one of the hardest things I've ever done. What would people think? What would people say? Would I be burning a bridge? Would my family members never help me again in the future because of what I'd done (or in this case, NOT done)? Would they think I am bitter? How would I deal with the feelings of guilt for being so lazy and selfish? How would my sister cope without my help? I agonized and agonized over the decision. I talked it over with my husband.

In the past at family gatherings I have often been the default babysitter. My nieces and nephew seem to like me. I have "supervised" them on the backyard swingsets to make sure they were safe. I've led them in constructing crafts so that their parents could play uninterrupted games with the adults. And in the meantime, my husband felt like I'd deserted him. Lately, he's been gently saying he'd prefer that I stay by his side more when we visit my family. That makes sense. I wouldn't like it either if he deserted me when we visited his family! So in the end, it was my husband who helped me decide. I know that he should be the number one person in my life and his needs should take priority. It was a gut-wrenching decision, though. It seemed to go against many of the values of my family... in so many ways it felt WRONG. I told them that part of the IVF protocol was to avoid stress (yet it was stressful to tell them that!)

Guess what? The world didn't fall apart. Yes, I had chosen one person in my life over another and ... in some ways I had chosen myself. My younger sister graciously offered to help out instead. They coped just fine without me. However, as you can imagine, the weekend was not without its awkward moments. At one point my sister with the three-week-old newborn cornered me and said, "So you're not supposed to be stressed at certain points in your cycle???" She seemed to be fishing... I quickly ended the conversation and felt like a complete jerk. I tried to avoid her (without success) the rest of the evening.

I believe I did the right thing in saying no. My husband seemed happier. Instead of me burping a baby and corralling a toddler, my husband and I spent some time together relaxing with other adults in a beautiful garden. We soaked up the sun and watched pink and white petals slowly and silently float down from the blossoming trees... so wonderful. We took care of us. I still have some lingering feelings of guilt because my thought pathways are soooo ingrained. It may be awkward with my sister for awhile as I'm processing everything. In some ways, maybe I am jealous. I guess I need to admit it to be able to deal with it. The holidays are never simple, are they?

Well, CRAP...

So, just wanted to vent a bit & shamelessly fishing for sympathy. I pulled a bone-head move this morning. We had some big geese in the front yard so I took one of my dogs out to see them. I knew she would want to chase them so I had her on a leash, but a long one so she could get closer without hurting the geese... So, bonehead me goes out with her & she sees them & looks at me like, "can I go see?" So, I say, "go ahead." and as it comes out of my mouth, I realize my mistake. I'm at the top of about 6 stairs to the ground. Well, she's a rather athletic thing (border collie) so she can go from stand-still to 60 in 3 steps. Well, not quite, but you get the drift. So, needless to say, I end up at the bottom of the stairs. After which, I can't put any weight on my right ankle. So, after a visit to the urgent care today, I'm now on my way to a foot surgeon. Broken. Crap. Like I needed this. No more working out. And... our nice vacation & cruise is only 5 weeks away. So, looks like I'll be in some sort of cast or boot for that. Can't I have just one good thing to look forward to? Argh. So, I put the diet on hold & had Coldstone Ice Cream & Vicodin for dinner.

Today Show - Baby Bump Bound

Just in case you missed it...or had no means to record it:

Baby Bump Bound's IF Segment on the Today Show

Just a vent

So, here I am at the gym this morning. Feeling so proud of myself. And there as I'm working out on the eliptical in front of me doing the "circuit training" is a preggo. Nice baby bump. Crap. Is no place safe?

What would you do??

I took by BP last night and it's extremely high. I'm really afraid now that if I go for FET or even telling my RE because he may cancel me. Do you guys think I'm being selfish for keeping this to myself? ESP since I just had this same problem with my SIL. Can high BP affect implantation? Maybe it's due to the added stress. Oh boy, I'm confused as to what I should do. Maybe I will still do FET and tell my RE about my BP when/if I get preggers. That sounds bad huh?? Really need your girls opinions!!

What would you do??

Finally!

Finally I can say the word 'BFP'! It feels so surreal, can't really believe it yet. May be it will happen after first US, when I see something other than follicles and lining.

Update on~ The Today Show~ segment!!

In case any of you were wanting to watch the infertility segment that I am going to be in ~ it's been moved to tomorrow (Thursday) morning around 9am. I will be at work, so I have to DVR it. I hope it goes well.

WLB ... 3/31

Well, crap. I'm still hovering at -7. Which sounds good, but I've been there for 2 weeks now. I'm still following my diet & exercising, but no further progress into the negative category. And I'm thinking about my next cycle in May... I'm guessing that'll put that 7 right back on. Really hoping to drop another 13 before then.

How is everyone else doing?

Good article...but almost made me cry.

Wasn't expecting that reaction from myself....

Washington Post: Too Much to Carry?

Needing encouragement!!

Not feeling to good right now!! I just spoke with the acupuncturist at my clinic and the conversation was not very good. He was asking all types of questions and trying to find out what is going on with me. He told me with the number of eggs I had (14) and the number that was left after day 5 (4) it seems as though I may have an egg quality issue. He told me it's common with woman who have had a hydrosalpinx like I did. He also asked me if I have PCOS because I have very heavy AF and lots of clotting (which only started after my tubal surgery) I'm afraid now that it may be a waste of time to put those eggs back in. My RE also suggested that I may have bad egg quality due to the Hydro so now I'm freaking out again. Anyways he wants me to call him next week to come in for my first treatment. He wants me to do a few b4 transfer but honestly I have very little hope right now that this is going to work at all. Has anyone heard of people getting pregnant even with bad quality eggs? I just need some support right now to give me a little more hope than I have at the moment!!

Negative. Again.

Well, it's a negative again.

I was positive for the past week that it would be negative, but got some stupid false hope this morning (where the fuck did that come from?)

Anyway, I am broken. Still at work and have children coming into my room in 13 minutes. So, I know if I start crying I won't stop. Just taking deep breaths...

I called the nurse line for an appointment with my "let's do a million IVFs and hope for the best" doctor. I would like him to do more testing. This time I will be armed with a list so I won't forget. My mission is to make him realize my insurance is nearly gone and I can't play his "wait and see" game.

Anybody have any questions I should ask, or testing that should be done?

Infertility Grants and Such

For those of you who don't read my blog often, I'll post this on here and the Groups. I wrote an article about saving money on infertility treatments. It focuses on infertility grants/scholarships but also talks about clinical trials, fundraisers and getting free meds. Click here to read it. Most of the grants are still accepting applications for this year. Good luck!!

Question?

I posted this in the google group but I'm posting it here too...

I'm thinking about doing my FET in April now (yes the latest pregnancy has helped change my mind) however, I have only been back on my pregfit with 5 mg of folic for the last 13 days plus taking ASA. I read recently that you should be taking them for atleast 2 months b4 getting pregnant. Do you girls think it matters much or should I be good to go? I figure my transfer should be around the 20th os so or April. So any advice what I should do??
I was also going to call today to go for some accupunture. What's the amount of accupunture that you girl recommend to be most effective

Any help or advise would be much appreciated

I would have posted this as another reply to my original post but it's been over a week and I wanted to make sure those of you who were interested saw it...

Thanks for all the love and support! I know I've been missing again for over a week, I've just been trying to deal with everything and I've had family down from out of state. It was nice to have them here but I realized a few days into it that they were more of a distraction than anything and I wasn't dealing with things. Thankfully DH and I have had the house to ourselves again but unfortunately I had to go back to work after just one week and one day off. :o( It's been horrible!! Seriously. Jes, I know you were out of work for a lot longer, how were you when you did finally go back to work? Was it a living hell?! That's what it's been like for me. Thankfully my friends in the office have threatened the ones in the office who I don't like that much and because of it they've all left me alone since I've been back. I'm just waiting for one of them to slip so I can throat punch them!

I've also had quite a few of you ask questions about the embryo moving after seeing the heartbeat. That was the first thing I was wondering when I was told it was ectopic. I told DH that I didn't believe that could happen. I was right. Apparently the ectopic was sitting right up against the uterus (or on top of it) in a way that could have made it appear that it was in the uterus. My RE didn't do the surgery last week but his partner, who was on call did. I haven't spoken with my RE yet but his partner Dr T. spoke with him before my surgery and my RE said he was sure it was in utero.

I really do love my RE and think he's a good doctor but I'm pissed at the same time. He SHOULD have seen that it was in my tube! I realize that that wouldn't have changed the end result...me no longer being pregnant, but it would have saved me a lot of pain! I do know that he's only human though and that everyone makes mistakes. There were no big red flags saying that I had a problem, I had 4 beta tests and they were all really good and the numbers were doubling like they should. I would like to see about getting a free or discounted cycle out of this though! We'll see how that goes... And you better believe that next time I'm going to make sure they are 100% SURE that my blob is where it's supposed to be. I'll lay there for an hour with my legs spread for the vuvu cam if I have to! But they better be damn sure that everythings okay before they get my hopes up like that again!

I have a confression... *gulp*

I have been reluctant to post this for about 2 months now, but since there is a air-date involved, I thought I'd share some exciting news.
As some of you know, I have been through hell and back with TTC. I have been TTC for 4 years, have been through 2 fresh and 2 frozen cycles, 2 IUIs and have had 2 losses. I have been moved beyond words by not only my experience, but by those I have met that have been through so much to try to have a baby.

Last year, while working with a documentary production company, I brought them the idea of doing an Infertility documentary. We started filming me as I was cycling and decided to put the film on pause as it was way too difficult for me to be on both sides of the camera and it was that much more emotionally challenging to be filmed while I was going through all the madness.

I know deep within my soul and heart that being an advocate for infertility awareness and support is what I feel most passionate about and I will do whatevver it takes to make our voices heard.

I will even film a personal segment for The Today Show that will air on Friday, April 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am freaking out a little bit as I am worried about saying too much or not enough. I worry that I didn't represent our plight to be heard or that they will edit out the strong points I tried to make. I am also freaking out a bit about being on national TV and exposing myself and my husband.

I do know that I am doing this for my baby Sprout (passed 5/17/08) and for all of us that are living through a very difficult and challenging process to become moms.
Anyways, if you watch the Today Show, you just may see me trying to shine a little light on an otherwise dark and painful reality of our lives.

Yikes!!!!
Oh and I promise I didn't fart any rainbows....

WLB 3/23 ...

I think we should call our posts the IVF 20 ... LOL... I still love that! How's everyone doing? I seem to have hit a plateau at -7 lbs. That's ok though. I dropped those quick... now the real work starts!

I've been slowly loosing motivation the past few days... so this morning I was quite brutal with myself. I tried on the bikini I hope to wear on the cruise in May. It's not new, but it's a couple years old & a couple pounds ago... So, I'm back to being motivated. It wasn't a pretty picture. I also called my RE & told her that we'll be doing our last try starting the end of May (when we return). So, there's a little extra motivation to throw in there.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Surrogacy question (Bbchi?)

I haven't had my beta yet, but I am 99% positive it didn't work (again), and my SIL (who I am VERY close to. She is the wife of my husband's twin, so we are always together) has offered to be a surrogate. She had two kids very easily(within a month of trying both times-hate her), no miscarriages, and no problems during her pregnancies, so she's perfect.

I think I am done slaying embryos (That can be my new nickname: Embryo Slayer), and would like some of my frozen ones to have a fighting chance. I just had a few questions about it.

1. Does the surrogate need to have a specific blood type? Are there other biological factors such as this that may be involved?

2. Does insurance pay for this to happen, or is it all out of pocket? (I figured we would be paying for the transfer and any meds for her, but are the check-ups and stuff covered by most plans?)

3. Do all REs do it, or is it too controversial? (I plan to ask for a meeting with my RE to discuss this.)

4. Are the success rates the same as a "regular" transfer, or even higher if the surrogate has already been a mother?

Can any of you give me info or lead me to it?

Thanks!

IVF Barbies

This is SO funny...and true.  *sigh*

The only problem I have with it is that not all REs are Kens...some of them are Barbies, too!

IVF Barbies