I was positive for the past week that it would be negative, but got some stupid false hope this morning (where the fuck did that come from?)
Anyway, I am broken. Still at work and have children coming into my room in 13 minutes. So, I know if I start crying I won't stop. Just taking deep breaths...
I called the nurse line for an appointment with my "let's do a million IVFs and hope for the best" doctor. I would like him to do more testing. This time I will be armed with a list so I won't forget. My mission is to make him realize my insurance is nearly gone and I can't play his "wait and see" game.
Anybody have any questions I should ask, or testing that should be done?
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That really sucks!!! I would be sure to request some extra tests b4 moving forward...
ReplyDeleteMaybe suggest getting some immune testing done??
I am so frickin tired of these cycles not working for those that deserve a f-ing BFP!!! Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do have a list of questions - aside from the obvious one, "why are you a moronic @ss that can't figure this $hit out!"
ReplyDelete~depending on where you live/who you are seeing, there are Drs out there that not only view the eggs or sperm as culprits, but also the uterus. Therefore they tests for implantation and immunilogical disorders. I am onto my 4th Dr (Sher Institute)and he is much more open-minded about other options, aside from doing unlimited rounds of IVF and hoping one of them sticks.
Visit the Sher Institutes website and arm yourself with their list of tests - it's a good place to start. www.haveababy.com
Again, I am so sorry... there are not enough swear words to describe a BFN.
I have immune tests written down.
ReplyDeleteThese are the ones I have:
Tumour Necrosis factor alpha
Natural Killer Cell assay (connection between APA and elevated NKs)
TH-1, TH-2 Intracellular Cytokine assay
Reproductive Immunophenotype
Anti-DNA Histone Antibodies
Elevated CD57 cells in endometrium
Embryotoxicity Assay
I have already been tested for ANA, APA, MTHFR and Thyroidal problems (at MY request) and MTHFR.
^ Oh, and I was positive for APA and MTHFR. Good thing I asked the doctor to test for them!
ReplyDeleteThat sucks. Wish I could tell you what to ask for... but my RE hasn't seemed to figure me out yet either. Have you been on different protocols or the same one over & over? My RE did say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over and hoping for a different outcome. She has at least changed my protocol each time...
ReplyDeleteugghhh... i'm so sorry to hear that. your history kind of sounds like mine - 2 failed fresh and 2 failed frozen. based on the fact that you had FETs, it sounds like you're a high responder? did you over stimulate at all? did they say anything about the egg quality (which can be a problem w/ PCOS)? i think you should also have your DH get a DNA fragmenation test. if the sperm has a lot of fragmentation, the embryo isn't going to get very far. Also, i'm doing PGD this 3rd round because they can't really figure out why it's not working for me either. while it won't help the success rate, it may provide a diagnosis as to why it's not working...
ReplyDeleteagain, i'm so sorry. that sucks...
Same protocol. The only difference this time was to increase my Follistim to yield more eggs. I actually got fewer b/c they hyperstimmed me and had to coast me, so not very many matured. Moron. And, he added meds for MTHFR and APA (only aspirin. KInda pissed it wasn't a blood thinner, considering I was strongly positive.)
ReplyDeleteDoes your RE change things with frozens, too, or just with fresh?
I am telling you, he is all about doing it as many times as possible and hoping one takes. It's pretty much bullshit.
I agree with your RE. It is definitely insane.
Pemmie- Can they do PGD on a frozen cycle?
ReplyDeleteI will ask about the spermies. We do have MF, so that could be a problem.
I am a high responder, but, as you will see in my post to Momsie: My RE's attempt at even more eggs backfired.
oh, and DEFINITELY get a 2nd opinion. i got one from Cornell and discussed what they recommended w/ my current RE, who then explained why he wouldn't go with their plan and why his plan made sense. who knows who is right, but at least you can make sure you hear other ideas. Cornell thought i was triggered too late both times (sacrificing the early eggs (which can often be the best eggs) for more quantity of eggs). that was something that never occurred to me - so you might get fresh ideas from a new RE.
ReplyDeletei'm not sure if they can PGD a frozen embryo. the problem is how long can a thawed embryo sit there while they run the test? or can they take a frozen cell without harming the embryo? not sure...
ReplyDeleteBW, This totally sucks! I am so sorry for total bummer.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest to get a second opinion too. Have you done Lap before to check for endo or hydrosalpinx?
BW,
ReplyDeleteI was also tested for CQ Alpha and celiac disease. You can also get a Y-Chromosome deletion test as well as the fragmentation test for hubby.
I also second the second opinion - like I said, I have been to 4 drs and in fact, I am going to see a 6th for good measure. I am trying to figure out if I should do a FET or go back to a fresh cycle.
Keep us posted and again, I am sorry!!!
BW -- I'm very very sorry. This whole thing blows. Agree that protocol should be changed up. If your RE is unwilling, definitely switch clinics. Or at least consult with another.
ReplyDeleteBabyWarrior - What a huge effing disappointment (and then some.) I an angry at the world for doing this to you again. Why can't life just be fair? Is that too much to ask? Clearly, the answer is "yes"...and that pisses me off. I really hope you get some answers from SOMEBODY as to why this hasn't worked for you yet. I think the suggestion of a 2nd opinion is is good one.
ReplyDeleteUnicorn Fart ALERT!: It took my OB/GYN 6 cycles of IVF to get her son. So there's some encouragement to keep going, one way or another. Any of you who are able to keep soldiering on are brave beyond belief!
Baby Warrior...I'm so sorry your fears were realized. If you've been with the same doctor this whole time, I wouldn't bother with the WTF meeting...I'd get a second opinion. Not that your doctor doesn't want to help you or want you to get pregnant, but because having a second set of eyes on the case can sometimes help come up with new ways to look at it.
ReplyDeleteBaby Warrior, This sucks!!! I hate negatives!! You so deserve a positive. Even though you've been through this before, the emotions each time are a bit different. Let yourself go with them and try to not be upset with yourself or your DH for all the emotional whiplash you are going through. Sending you a huge hug. Go drown your sorrows in wine and chocolate.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are awesome! I am so happy to have you guys! (Insert Unicorn Fart here.)
ReplyDeleteI am going to take your advice and look into another clinic, and take my list of tests with me. : )
I was very proud of myself that I did not go home and pig out (my m.o.) Instead, I ate a healthy meal & worked out.
If I can't be pregnant, at least I can be thin.
What do we think unicorn farts sound like? Tinkling bells? Fairy giggles? Kittens singing choir music?
ReplyDeleteI think they sound like all of those put together, along with babies cooing.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, BW. (^_^) It would have to be a combination of all those things, melding into a sound more glorious than anything we could imagine. ;P
ReplyDeleteBW, I'm so sorry, it just sucks, sucks, sucks! I love this, though: "If I can't be pregnant, at least I can be thin." I'm adding it to the T-shirt slogans!
ReplyDeletePemmie- To answer an earlier question with a question: We had ICSI done, so doesn't that mean they would pick the best sperms, without fragmentation? Also, they never mentioned poor egg quality, and I always got lots of nice embryos (A or B quality), but I didn't know PCOS could cause poor egg quality. Shows how much my RE shared with me. I made an appointment today w/ the other clinic. It's not until May 4, though.
ReplyDeleteno one told me i had poor egg quality until i got a copy of my records and it said "Oocyte quality: Fair/Poor". nice that they didn't tell me that EVER. anyway, PCOS can affect egg quality, but i'm not sure by how much.
ReplyDeleteapparently it's impossible to pick the sperm w/ out fragmentation so they go by percents. if the sperm has a fragmentation of something like 40% or greater, the likelyhood of success, even with ICSI, is not great. that's why if the urologist sees a very high level of fragmetation, they would want to correct it before trying another IVF cycle. the causes can be a lot of things, but often it's a varicocele.
just wanted to add, my RE thinks that it's rare that it's the sperm that's the culprit. he thinks it's usually the quality of the egg - and he tried a quality over quantity approach this time with me. hopefully that's all you need as well.
ReplyDeleteAbout the sperm- My RE never even sent DH to a urologist, so I assume he is of the school of thought that blames the egg.
ReplyDeleteAnother question: Can you have apparently good-looking embryos that are actually crappy? Why do they even grade them if they aren't sure?
ReplyDeletethat's why they're doing PGD on mine. some of my transferred embryos looked pretty good even though my eggs were crappy for the most part - and they lived to day 5 which is pretty good. cornell and my current RE said the grades are almost meaningless - they won't transfer or freeze anything unless it has the POTENTIAL to become a baby. the grades just tell you superficially tell you about the egg, but in someone who keeps failing, my RE and Cornell suggest PGD which will tell you what is really going on w/ the embryos. you can have a perfect grade embryo be all fucked up inside. i'm terrified as to what they'll find w/ my embryos from this current cycle.
ReplyDeleteBW so sorry for the BF-ingN. I agree with the girls, time for a new RE. Good job on the not pigging out, that's extreme will-power.
ReplyDelete