Finally!

Finally I can say the word 'BFP'! It feels so surreal, can't really believe it yet. May be it will happen after first US, when I see something other than follicles and lining.

Update on~ The Today Show~ segment!!

In case any of you were wanting to watch the infertility segment that I am going to be in ~ it's been moved to tomorrow (Thursday) morning around 9am. I will be at work, so I have to DVR it. I hope it goes well.

WLB ... 3/31

Well, crap. I'm still hovering at -7. Which sounds good, but I've been there for 2 weeks now. I'm still following my diet & exercising, but no further progress into the negative category. And I'm thinking about my next cycle in May... I'm guessing that'll put that 7 right back on. Really hoping to drop another 13 before then.

How is everyone else doing?

Good article...but almost made me cry.

Wasn't expecting that reaction from myself....

Washington Post: Too Much to Carry?

Needing encouragement!!

Not feeling to good right now!! I just spoke with the acupuncturist at my clinic and the conversation was not very good. He was asking all types of questions and trying to find out what is going on with me. He told me with the number of eggs I had (14) and the number that was left after day 5 (4) it seems as though I may have an egg quality issue. He told me it's common with woman who have had a hydrosalpinx like I did. He also asked me if I have PCOS because I have very heavy AF and lots of clotting (which only started after my tubal surgery) I'm afraid now that it may be a waste of time to put those eggs back in. My RE also suggested that I may have bad egg quality due to the Hydro so now I'm freaking out again. Anyways he wants me to call him next week to come in for my first treatment. He wants me to do a few b4 transfer but honestly I have very little hope right now that this is going to work at all. Has anyone heard of people getting pregnant even with bad quality eggs? I just need some support right now to give me a little more hope than I have at the moment!!

Negative. Again.

Well, it's a negative again.

I was positive for the past week that it would be negative, but got some stupid false hope this morning (where the fuck did that come from?)

Anyway, I am broken. Still at work and have children coming into my room in 13 minutes. So, I know if I start crying I won't stop. Just taking deep breaths...

I called the nurse line for an appointment with my "let's do a million IVFs and hope for the best" doctor. I would like him to do more testing. This time I will be armed with a list so I won't forget. My mission is to make him realize my insurance is nearly gone and I can't play his "wait and see" game.

Anybody have any questions I should ask, or testing that should be done?

Infertility Grants and Such

For those of you who don't read my blog often, I'll post this on here and the Groups. I wrote an article about saving money on infertility treatments. It focuses on infertility grants/scholarships but also talks about clinical trials, fundraisers and getting free meds. Click here to read it. Most of the grants are still accepting applications for this year. Good luck!!

Question?

I posted this in the google group but I'm posting it here too...

I'm thinking about doing my FET in April now (yes the latest pregnancy has helped change my mind) however, I have only been back on my pregfit with 5 mg of folic for the last 13 days plus taking ASA. I read recently that you should be taking them for atleast 2 months b4 getting pregnant. Do you girls think it matters much or should I be good to go? I figure my transfer should be around the 20th os so or April. So any advice what I should do??
I was also going to call today to go for some accupunture. What's the amount of accupunture that you girl recommend to be most effective

Any help or advise would be much appreciated

I would have posted this as another reply to my original post but it's been over a week and I wanted to make sure those of you who were interested saw it...

Thanks for all the love and support! I know I've been missing again for over a week, I've just been trying to deal with everything and I've had family down from out of state. It was nice to have them here but I realized a few days into it that they were more of a distraction than anything and I wasn't dealing with things. Thankfully DH and I have had the house to ourselves again but unfortunately I had to go back to work after just one week and one day off. :o( It's been horrible!! Seriously. Jes, I know you were out of work for a lot longer, how were you when you did finally go back to work? Was it a living hell?! That's what it's been like for me. Thankfully my friends in the office have threatened the ones in the office who I don't like that much and because of it they've all left me alone since I've been back. I'm just waiting for one of them to slip so I can throat punch them!

I've also had quite a few of you ask questions about the embryo moving after seeing the heartbeat. That was the first thing I was wondering when I was told it was ectopic. I told DH that I didn't believe that could happen. I was right. Apparently the ectopic was sitting right up against the uterus (or on top of it) in a way that could have made it appear that it was in the uterus. My RE didn't do the surgery last week but his partner, who was on call did. I haven't spoken with my RE yet but his partner Dr T. spoke with him before my surgery and my RE said he was sure it was in utero.

I really do love my RE and think he's a good doctor but I'm pissed at the same time. He SHOULD have seen that it was in my tube! I realize that that wouldn't have changed the end result...me no longer being pregnant, but it would have saved me a lot of pain! I do know that he's only human though and that everyone makes mistakes. There were no big red flags saying that I had a problem, I had 4 beta tests and they were all really good and the numbers were doubling like they should. I would like to see about getting a free or discounted cycle out of this though! We'll see how that goes... And you better believe that next time I'm going to make sure they are 100% SURE that my blob is where it's supposed to be. I'll lay there for an hour with my legs spread for the vuvu cam if I have to! But they better be damn sure that everythings okay before they get my hopes up like that again!

I have a confression... *gulp*

I have been reluctant to post this for about 2 months now, but since there is a air-date involved, I thought I'd share some exciting news.
As some of you know, I have been through hell and back with TTC. I have been TTC for 4 years, have been through 2 fresh and 2 frozen cycles, 2 IUIs and have had 2 losses. I have been moved beyond words by not only my experience, but by those I have met that have been through so much to try to have a baby.

Last year, while working with a documentary production company, I brought them the idea of doing an Infertility documentary. We started filming me as I was cycling and decided to put the film on pause as it was way too difficult for me to be on both sides of the camera and it was that much more emotionally challenging to be filmed while I was going through all the madness.

I know deep within my soul and heart that being an advocate for infertility awareness and support is what I feel most passionate about and I will do whatevver it takes to make our voices heard.

I will even film a personal segment for The Today Show that will air on Friday, April 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am freaking out a little bit as I am worried about saying too much or not enough. I worry that I didn't represent our plight to be heard or that they will edit out the strong points I tried to make. I am also freaking out a bit about being on national TV and exposing myself and my husband.

I do know that I am doing this for my baby Sprout (passed 5/17/08) and for all of us that are living through a very difficult and challenging process to become moms.
Anyways, if you watch the Today Show, you just may see me trying to shine a little light on an otherwise dark and painful reality of our lives.

Yikes!!!!
Oh and I promise I didn't fart any rainbows....

WLB 3/23 ...

I think we should call our posts the IVF 20 ... LOL... I still love that! How's everyone doing? I seem to have hit a plateau at -7 lbs. That's ok though. I dropped those quick... now the real work starts!

I've been slowly loosing motivation the past few days... so this morning I was quite brutal with myself. I tried on the bikini I hope to wear on the cruise in May. It's not new, but it's a couple years old & a couple pounds ago... So, I'm back to being motivated. It wasn't a pretty picture. I also called my RE & told her that we'll be doing our last try starting the end of May (when we return). So, there's a little extra motivation to throw in there.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Surrogacy question (Bbchi?)

I haven't had my beta yet, but I am 99% positive it didn't work (again), and my SIL (who I am VERY close to. She is the wife of my husband's twin, so we are always together) has offered to be a surrogate. She had two kids very easily(within a month of trying both times-hate her), no miscarriages, and no problems during her pregnancies, so she's perfect.

I think I am done slaying embryos (That can be my new nickname: Embryo Slayer), and would like some of my frozen ones to have a fighting chance. I just had a few questions about it.

1. Does the surrogate need to have a specific blood type? Are there other biological factors such as this that may be involved?

2. Does insurance pay for this to happen, or is it all out of pocket? (I figured we would be paying for the transfer and any meds for her, but are the check-ups and stuff covered by most plans?)

3. Do all REs do it, or is it too controversial? (I plan to ask for a meeting with my RE to discuss this.)

4. Are the success rates the same as a "regular" transfer, or even higher if the surrogate has already been a mother?

Can any of you give me info or lead me to it?

Thanks!

IVF Barbies

This is SO funny...and true.  *sigh*

The only problem I have with it is that not all REs are Kens...some of them are Barbies, too!

IVF Barbies

Heartbroken

I'm heartbroken guys, My SIL just left. She decided to come tell me she found out yesterday that she's pregnant. She started to "fake" cry and I stopped her, asked what's wrong? She says she feel sorry for me. I told her to stop lying, she doesn't feel sorry for me. She wouldn't have been trying so hard right now if she did. She's a bitch, I'm so angry. I couldn't wait for her to leave. I totally broke down to DH, I don't know how I can go through another pregnancy and birth if it's not me. I don't know how to feel right now I'm devestated. STUPID WHOREEEEE!!!

Infertility T-shirt Ideas

Thought these should be out in the public:

1. Who Shot My Stork???
2. Slippery When Ovulating
3. Egg Collector
4. I did IVF and all I got was this Lousy T-shirt.
5. No, I don't want to hold your baby.
6. My Embryo is an Honor Student.
7. Baby NOT on Board.
8. Babies Aren't Us.
9. I Have a Bitchy Uterus.
10.Knocked Down, Not Up.
11. Keep your unicorn farts to yourself.
12. Not expecting....just bloated.
13. Childless aunt does not equal free babysitter.
14. No Sex-pert Advice Please.
15. Worrying is a full-time job.
16. Rotten eggs: $30, 000.
17. I spent all my savings on infertility treatments, and all I got was this crappy t-shirt.
18. I like it small, thin and in the ass.
19. The vagina is not a clown car (with a picture of the Duggar family on it)!
20. Relax? I can't believe I didn't think of that.
21. Adoption costs $25000. It's not so easy to "just do" that.
22. Statements that begin with "At least..." do not comfort anyone.
23. REs at work.
24. www.infertilethoughts.com
25. My test tube baby kicked your naturally conceived honor student's ass.
26. I can't...I'm cycling.
27. (Photo courtesy of Epson vu-vu cam.)

28. "God's Plan" is for me to kick your ass.

29. IVF Meds: $5,000; IVF retrieval: $4,000; IVF transfer:$3,000; Kicking a fertile's ass: Priceless.
30. If I can't be pregnant, at least I can be thin. (thanks, babywarrior!)

I'm So Naive

I allowed myself to get excited. I told everyone I knew, even though my better judgement told me to wait until I was 10 weeks, after my 2nd u/s, and about to see my regular OB. After 4 great betas I spilled the beans at 6 weeks 1 day (can you say STUPID!!). At 6 wks 6dys, we saw our little one's heartbeat. Everything's great, right?! We had nothing to worry about! Wrong.

Four days later, home alone on a Sunday afternoon while DH was at work, I started having severe stomach pains. I had just had a little bit to eat and seriously thought it was severe gas pains...although I hadn't felt gas pains like this before. I couldn't sit down or even stand up straight. Everything was excruciating! I took my tempurature, my temp was low, not high. Threw up, felt a tiny bit better...enough to actually be able to curl into a ball and fall asleep. Slept about 30 minutes, woke up from the pain, threw up again, was so white I could have been Casper's twin. Was sweaty, shaky, and thought I might pass out. Decided I was ready to go to hospital but waited for DH to get home and take me. This whole ordeal lasted 5 1/2 hours before I made that decision to go to the hospital and DH got home to take me.

Ends up, my pregnancy was ectopic and had ruptured. Apparently I was strong and stable enough that I wasn't rushed into emergency surgery. I was transported to the hospital near my home, to the main branch in Atlanta where my RE's partner (who was on call that night) could do the surgery. There was still concern over whether or not the surgery should be done that night or the next morning. After having a back and chest spasm that bolted me upright in my hospital bed and that wouldn't allow me to breath (all brought on by the RE simply listening to my stomach), and in doing so, scaring the sh*t out of RE and DH, the surgery was on for that night. It was 13 hours between the time that the pain started and the time they began surgery. And no where in these 13 hours was I given pain meds, until RIGHT before the surgery started.
They removed the ectopic, cleaned out 1000cc's of blood, and closed off my other tube from my uterus so that this can't happen again. I came home from the hospital Tuesday afternoon.

Jes, I can't even fathom what you went through. I know it's the same but what you went through was on such a higher level than mine. It's been hard for me or DH to begin to process our loss because there's been so much to focus on physically. I think the emotional aspect is finally starting to take it's toll but it definitely took a while before we could even think about it.

It just sucks. Why do we have to go through this kind of crap after all that we have already suffered through? Will we ever catch a break!!

Weight Loss Buddies ... 3/18

Hey. I started a new post since our other one is getting really long...

Has anyone else noticed it's REALLY expensive to eat healthy? Yikes! I went to the grocery store yesterday & came home with 3 bags (they're the big re-useable ones, but still!!!) and spent $130! And that will probably feed us for 5 days. Ugh! It's so much cheaper to eat like crap!

AFM - I was so proud of myself 2 days ago. I weighed in & was down 7 lbs from starting weight! Yay! So, yesterday I was still at that -7 & felt so excited about that & a little extra motivated. So, I did my 30 mins of workout in the am & then in the afternoon, took my dog for a walk that lasted 1 hour & 15 minutes. I was so proud of myself. Then I weigh in this morning & I'm up a pound! Argh! I KNOW that I shouldn't worry about it. Your body can fluctuate 2 lbs in a day. BUT you know how us IVF gals are. We obsess over every little thing. So, today I'm trying to stay positive. Sticking to the diet & did my exercises this morning. May do another walk today, but not as long since I have somewhere to be this evening. I'm not obsessing... I'm not obsessing... I'm not obsessing. LOL! I just really want the date with Dave! LOL!

So... check in... how are my buddies doing?

Question for Medical Pros (BBChi?)

I am not in the medical field, but I have always been interested in science, and I have been wondering about something...

Every IVF cycle I do, I get a 2-day-long migraine around 5 to 7dp2dt. This, as I have read, is about the time of implantation. Because the migraine is so bad, will not go away on its own, and laughs at Tylenol, I am forced to take Maxalt, a rizotriptan, in order to function.

I am aware Maxalt constricts blood vessels in order to do its job, and I have begun to worry that I may be sabotaging things. When I ask my doctor about it, his canned response is "If you don't need it, don't take it. You shouldn't take it during pregnancy, blah, blah, blah..." But I DO need it, and there is really no way around taking it at this point.

But my question is: Could the use of this medication be keeping me from getting pregnant because it is screwing with the blood vessels or for some other reason?

Checking in

just wanted to check in how our pregnant friends are doing? Golde, KB75, HRD, bbchi, LAP, smitty, etc. Hope all is well... do keep us updated, or are you posting your status somewhere else?

Bummed

I just found out that my RE's office has a really shitty IVF success rate, and there is another clinic in my area whose success rate is twice that of mine, and I am really pissed I didn't go there. I should have researched more before I started. My insurance coverage for ART is about to run out, and I am positive I won't be one of the 28% (yeah, that low) that actually gets to be pregnant. This blows.